he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
