i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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