i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
