pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
