if i can run in heels then i can drive
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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