does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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