Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
