Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
