You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
