you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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