we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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