We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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