I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
worst night to have a conscience
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
