The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
