I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
