i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
