textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
