I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
