he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
