im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
