got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
