man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
