found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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