I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
