I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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