Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
