In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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