I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
