If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
