I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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