at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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