Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
