she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
