Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
