i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
