We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
