Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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