you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
