you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
