his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
