I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
