Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think your dad took our porno
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
