I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
