Michael Bay diarrhea
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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