: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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