went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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