someone threw a dead crab at me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
