I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
