"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
