Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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