I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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