I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
