In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
