I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
