Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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