**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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